a stone for a pillow

For the past several days I have been driving both myself and everyone I love crazy with the following conundrum, which I will now proceed to share with you.

Moving is traumatic. Most of us weren't meant to be gypsies. We like to, at the end of a long day, come home to a warm bed, perhaps a cup of a favorite beverage, and some source of entertainment.

For the first four months here, I lived with a delightful family in cell-like room with a lot of hygiene problems. I was glad to leave, but saying goodbye to my family was a tearful and emotional experience. I still miss walking with Ana by the river and letting little Franco into my room to color.

So I moved into the second floor of a really nice building, with an indoor, first-world style bathroom, a proper kitchen, a little balcony, and an area to entertain. After a lonely first night, I settled in and looked forward to enjoying the next two years there.

Until I went to see the mayor with the president of the women's group. After we left the office, she tarried a few minutes talking to him, and then hustled out, grabbed me by the arm and spoke to me in a hushed tone: "Listen, the mayor wants you to move into the apartment next to me. It would be free. You could keep me company. You could move in this afternoon!"

I panicked. The room next to hers is a medium-sized with bright pink walls. For me, especially after an entire floor to myself, it would be smallish. Also, I would have to buy a bed, a table and a stove (at least), whereas in the bigger place I was just borrowing those things.

In the end, I could not find a way to politely refuse the mayor's generous offer, though I would really prefer to stay here. So I will wind up spending a big pile of money on furniture other needs in a place I don't actually like as much. Hey, at least it's free. And maybe it will endear me to the mayor.

When I get depressed about it, and want to start wallowing, I force myself to think of two F-words first:

1. FREE. This will save me about 13% of my income. I have decided to indulge in more travel, or maybe more peanut-butter every month with this savings.

2. FRIEND. I will have a next door neighbor who always loves to chat. This would be different from the current family I live with, who is standoffish. Furthermore, she is an important person in the community, especially with the women and adolescents, who are two groups I really want to work with.

After reflecting on these two F-words, I allow myself to think of any other F-words that come to mind. But forcing myself to consider the positive aspects always makes the glass look a bit fuller.

What's new

So much has happened in the past month!

Here are a few of the highlights:

El Día de Todos Santos, Todos Santos Cuchumatan: This was possibly the craziest thing I've seen in Guatemala, and I've seen some doozies. Way up in the mountains of Huehuetenango, down a bumpy dirt road, is a little village in a deep valley where the men still wear indigenous clothing and Mam is the prominent language. On All Saints' Day, the men get totally trashed and engage in wild horse races that last about eight hours. The celebration remembers the day when, after years of Spanish repression that banned indigenous peoples from riding horses, an Indian hopped on a horse and rode away. The drinking is just for fun. Toward the end of the day, the men grab a live chicken and whip their horses with the chicken as they ride, resulting in the death of the chicken. I am serious. While I didn't appreciate the animal cruelty or the fact that several men almost died when they drunkenly fell off their horses, I am glad I went and saw such an unusual tradition.

Reconnect: This is when all Peace Corps Volunteers from a training class reunite at the training center after their first three months of service. It's a week in Antigua, but it's not nearly as much fun as it sounds. Far from being a mini-vacation, Peace Corps truly does put you to work taking more Spanish classes and meeting with your project directors. It was great to see everyone again, eat some good food and get out of the Gaspar, but there was also the typical drama and gossip that comes with Antigua and 30 volunteers in one place.

President-elect Barack Obama: I'm not really allowed to get too political on here, but words really can't describe what it was like to watch Barack Obama win the election from abroad, gathered with a bunch of Peace Corps volunteers. When CNN projected him as the winner, people were crying, hugging and screaming. I even shed a tear during his victory speech. Watching election returns made me feel so close to home and so far away at the same time.

Changes: Once again, I probably shouldn't say too much, but some of my dear friends changed sites (they will now be even farther from me, but way closer to the beach!). Also, we lost a volunteer to an early termination. It was a sad surprise for everyone.

A sweet new pad: Due to some persistent problems in my site, my boss came to visit to help me address one of my most pressing issues--my living space. As I have said before, I live in a closet that is also inhabited by mice, cockroaches and various other vermin. The rain leaks in from the roof. There is a mildew problem. Well friends, tomorrow, I am coming out of the closet! That's right. I am moving to a totally sweet new apartment, where I will have a whole floor to myself, indoor plumbing, and a kitchen. It's beautiful, clean, NOT infested with creepy-crawlies, and has a nice little balcony that overlooks "mainstreet." I feel terrible about leaving this family that has shown me so much love, but I honestly cannot wait. It's also great for entertaining, so come on over!