a stone for a pillow

For the past several days I have been driving both myself and everyone I love crazy with the following conundrum, which I will now proceed to share with you.

Moving is traumatic. Most of us weren't meant to be gypsies. We like to, at the end of a long day, come home to a warm bed, perhaps a cup of a favorite beverage, and some source of entertainment.

For the first four months here, I lived with a delightful family in cell-like room with a lot of hygiene problems. I was glad to leave, but saying goodbye to my family was a tearful and emotional experience. I still miss walking with Ana by the river and letting little Franco into my room to color.

So I moved into the second floor of a really nice building, with an indoor, first-world style bathroom, a proper kitchen, a little balcony, and an area to entertain. After a lonely first night, I settled in and looked forward to enjoying the next two years there.

Until I went to see the mayor with the president of the women's group. After we left the office, she tarried a few minutes talking to him, and then hustled out, grabbed me by the arm and spoke to me in a hushed tone: "Listen, the mayor wants you to move into the apartment next to me. It would be free. You could keep me company. You could move in this afternoon!"

I panicked. The room next to hers is a medium-sized with bright pink walls. For me, especially after an entire floor to myself, it would be smallish. Also, I would have to buy a bed, a table and a stove (at least), whereas in the bigger place I was just borrowing those things.

In the end, I could not find a way to politely refuse the mayor's generous offer, though I would really prefer to stay here. So I will wind up spending a big pile of money on furniture other needs in a place I don't actually like as much. Hey, at least it's free. And maybe it will endear me to the mayor.

When I get depressed about it, and want to start wallowing, I force myself to think of two F-words first:

1. FREE. This will save me about 13% of my income. I have decided to indulge in more travel, or maybe more peanut-butter every month with this savings.

2. FRIEND. I will have a next door neighbor who always loves to chat. This would be different from the current family I live with, who is standoffish. Furthermore, she is an important person in the community, especially with the women and adolescents, who are two groups I really want to work with.

After reflecting on these two F-words, I allow myself to think of any other F-words that come to mind. But forcing myself to consider the positive aspects always makes the glass look a bit fuller.

working for peanuts

A few weeks ago I became very depressed after receiving a text message from my good friend Anne. "My students brought me 50 ears of corn!" It said. "I love the kindness and smiles of this culture."
It was a bad day anyway, but upon recieving this message I couldn't help but think "Jeez. No one in my town has given me anything more than a headache since I've been here!"*
So, I was walking home from the Puesto yesterday when I was stopped on the street by a young girl selling peanuts. "Seño.," she said. "Here is a bag of peanuts for you."
"How much is it?"
"De nada."
I thanked her profusely, and continued down the street with a new swagger. Someone gave me something! Finally! Somebody in this godforsaken place likes me! It might not be 50 ears of corn, but a bag of boiled peanuts seemed good enough for me. These are the moments you have to cherish, I told myself.
I walked into my house, smiling. Nothing could ruin my mood right now, I thought. I had such high spirits, I extended the bag to one of the little kids hanging around our house. This gesture, I thought, would be universal for "Want a peanut?" Instead, he took the whole bag from me and meekly said, "Thank you.
No!!! I thought. My one tiny victory snatched from my hands!
Thankfully, the whole thing just made me laugh. And I'm glad her small gesture of magnanimity turned out to be a gift that kept on giving. But I was really looking forward to those peanuts.

*This is not entirely true. My host family has been very generous with me. It was just the first thing that came to mind.